As we embrace 2020 with its opportunities and challenges, we must aim to control our destiny. Many people with excessive potential have missed opportunities to succeed because of the unexpected challenges they experienced.
Everything that you do not have control over, will always require your permission to derail you from your dreams. The challenge itself will not upset your plans, it is your response to the challenge that will provide permission to the challenge to derail you. You still have power to choose whether those challenges will be stepping stones towards your success or they will be the reasons why you have not achieved your dreams.
Stephen Covey teaches us a principle of Stimuli and Response summed up as follows: “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it”
This equation separates your achievements or lack thereof from your background or external circumstances. For example, how you were raised is only a 10% contributing factor to your success equation, or your failure equation. You contribute 90% towards your success equation or your failure equation.
This explains why one family member may excel in life whilst others have not, even though their backgrounds or circumstances were similar. Examples of such backgrounds include: poverty, large family with lack of parental attention, wealthy family, Government School education, Private School education, alcohol dependent family, etc. The answer lies in the equation: Life = 10% (your circumstances) + 90% (your response).
Let me extend the example on poverty.
To others poverty created a burning desire to succeed and they did everything possible to focus on their studies, passed well, got bursaries and scholarships for relevant qualifications which the economy needs, got excellent rewarding careers and found themselves out of the poverty circle. So this group chose to respond positively to the challenge of having a poor background and used it as a stepping stone to succeed.
To others poverty became a reason for them to be immobilized, to not believe in themselves, not to focus on education. As a result, they do not pass well, they cannot attract or be considered for any bursaries or scholarships, cannot further their education, as a result, they remain strangled by the sharp paws of poverty, (blaming their background).
The following 5 scenarios might further illustrate the reality of this “Life” equation:
{Kindly note that there could be underlying complexities for each scenario which will be difficult to illustrate. The key message is that whatever complexities, your response to them is informed by the choice you make, that is the power you have which sadly most people choose to ignore.}
Scenario 1
You get an excellent job, in a company of your dreams. You come across a nasty boss who is making it
his or her business to see you out of the company with nothing, either because he or she hates you or is
feeling threatened by your prospects.
| Positive Response {this represents the choice you make to reject your challenge and excel towards your dreams} | Negative Response {this represents the choice you make to give permission to your challenge to derail your life} |
|---|---|
| You make a choice to excel in your work, expand your network of positive ambassadors around you through your diligence and flawless work (even if with tears in your eyes). Your excellent track record speaks for itself and all great opportunities in your workplace hunt for you. You succeed in your company of your dreams and progress up the corporate ladder. Or your excellent track record places you at an advantage for a higher post in another company. Your world quickly gets filled up with excellent career choices. | You make a choice to dignify your nasty boss conduct through your positive response to it. He or she wants you to cry and you cry, he or she wants you to hate coming to work and pile up sick leave days and you do. He or she wants you to make you a complainer of note to everybody who matters and mess up your relationship capital, and you do exactly that, etc. Ultimately, your boss still hates you, your work colleagues also avoid being with you because of your negative energy, and everyone rejoice when you leave. At that stage it will not matter who was unfair to you. |
Scenario 2
You grew up in an environment where youth have the freedom to have fun, therefore focus for every
young person is on enjoying life to the fullest. The attitude is: Why not?
| Positive Response {this represents the choice you make to reject your challenge and excel towards your dreams} | Negative Response {this represents the choice you make to give permission to your challenge to derail your life} |
|---|---|
| You make a choice to think about the type of life you want to lead as an adult and realise it does not align to the time you are wasting having short term fun. You choose to sacrifice all youth privileges and over apply yourself in your studies as your ticket to sustainable happiness or sustainable enjoyment of life. You pass so well and attract many bursaries to choose from. You pursue studies in areas the economy is desperate for, you qualify, you get a rewarding career and live a full privileged adult life. | You make a choice to adopt a “why not” attitude. You enjoy your youth privileges and don’t pay too much attention to your studies. You get unimpressive grades and end up unemployed, unemployable and get further trapped in poverty. In effect you choose to enjoy life as a young person, and you rob yourself of a golden opportunity to have a successful adult life. |
Scenario 3
You were raised in an alcoholic dependent environment.
| Positive Response {this represents the choice you make to reject your challenge and excel towards your dreams} | Negative Response {this represents the choice you make to give permission to your challenge to derail your life} |
|---|---|
You make a choice on the type of life you would like to lead and decide to detest and to resent alcohol and vow to do so for yourself and your future generation. You focus yourself on productive use of your time towards your studies irrespective, you succeed and enjoy a sustainable | You make a choice to perceive your life as ideal and stress free. You choose to continue on the same footsteps as your parents or guardians. You pay no attention to your studies, you do nothing that will lead you to a different future. You allow your life to go with the flow. You grow up to be an adult and suffer the consequences of the so called stress free life. Sadly you raise your children under that environment and provide them with minimal chance of success in life. |
Scenario 4
You have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Your parents have done well and your family is
affording well or rich and leading a lifestyle that everyone else envies.
| Positive Response {this represents the choice you make to reject your challenge and excel towards your dreams} | Negative Response {this represents the choice you make to give permission to your challenge to derail your life} |
|---|---|
You feel very fortunate. You however observe what it takes to maintain your family standard of living. You realise it is your parents success and | You feel very fortunate. However, you make no attempt to understand what it takes to sustain your family lifestyle. You assume it is your success and not your parent’s success. You continue to enjoy the benefits, develop no hunger or thirst for personal success. When your parents grow older and less capable of generating further wealth, you continue to suck out what is left of it without thinking about what you will do when you are done sucking it out. You then find your adult life poverty stricken and you don’t know how to deal with it, you want to collect the pieces but too old to study, no one can educate you. Life naturally progresses and you find yourself having children whom you cannot support, let alone providing them with privileges your parents provided for you. What a sad ending which is as a result of your negative response to your great start in life. |
Scenario 5
You have been diagnosed with a disease that demands change of lifestyle and loads of self-control and
discipline, e.g. Diabetes
| Positive Response {this represents the choice you make to reject your challenge and excel towards your dreams} | Negative Response {this represents the choice you make to give permission to your challenge to derail your life} |
|---|---|
You embrace the challenge to improve your lifestyle. You change your diet and sacrifice all your favourite foods. You start exercising, you | You get shocked by the diagnosis, you remain in denial. You continue to eat what you like. When you try to do the right thing, you easily get tempted and find yourself indulging your old favourites foods, which are insulin spiking. You start an exercise program but you are not regular. You continue with your lifestyle and hope medication will sort you out. Your condition deteriorates and you start to suffer the consequences of an unmanaged diabetes. You watch your quality of life deteriorating day by day and somehow you feel helpless. |
What challenges are applicable to you? Take your time to evaluate whether your response to your challenge is helping you to convert your challenge into a stepping stone towards success, or whether your response is giving permission to your challenge to derail your life.
We are not passive achievers of either failure or success in our lives. Life has given us a 90% chance to undo what has been unfair to us, or to build on what has been a great start in our lives.
Stand up and take action towards the direction of your dreams or ambitions irrespective of what life has thrown at you. Never feel helpless.
Control Your Destiny.
